Triggers

Went to visit my Mom in Salem today, stopped at a red light watching traffic pass I start to cry.

 I have never been good at controlling my emotions, especially tears. Though I thought I had grieved enough in the past year to control them for one person.

 It was a pale green Honda accord, a car that felt like a bullet to the heart. Just a car. A  damn machine.

I got to know everyone in our high school and their rig, the white Jeep Cherokee belonged to the cute football player. The nice Acura to a friends boyfriend. A adorable Dodge Neon to my best friend. A pale green Honda to the very attractive athlete, a friend to everyone, the caring sophomore, Shawn.

 A little over a year ago we lost Shawn, and to this day I still can't grasp why. I swear I saw him walking around my town for months after, he would appear in my dreams, and often was on my mind. Time passes and we slowly heal....I can think of Shawn with a smile, I no longer see him walking down the street or aisles away at the market.

 However no matter how hard I try, when I see a pale green Honda Accord I cant help but stare, look at the driver... and forget, for just a second, that there is no way he is in that car. It breaks my heart every time I look, hopeful, only to see a Hispanic man or a 16 year old girl behind the wheel.

I miss you friend, and will never forget the time we spent together,the smile that broke many hearts, your skills on EVERY field or... as silly as it sounds the car you drove in High school.


What triggers you? Is it a smell? A town? A band? What feelings do you have? Happiness? Regret? Hate? Or in my case sorrow....